why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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