RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
