if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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