i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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