I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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