i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
