I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
