He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
