We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
