just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
