Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
