I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
