We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
