you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
