I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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