It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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