I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
