She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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