After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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