I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
