I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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