No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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