what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
