i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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