i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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