My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
