You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
