Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
