You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
