we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
