Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
