Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
