just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
