please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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