We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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