I wish I could teleport
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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