I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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