i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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