God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
