i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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