i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
