See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
