So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
