I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
