just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
