your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
