dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
