i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
