I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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