How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
