yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
