My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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