My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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