Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Success! We fucked roommates!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
